Tuesday, July 7, 2009

It's a little late but...

I had to laugh at the announcement of the gender of the Duggar's first grandchild last week. So it's a girl. Haha, the product of frequent, non-orgasmic intercourse. What else could I expect from Christian newlyweds who recommend reading books like Intended for Pleasure by Ed Wheat. Here is my favorite review of this book from amazon.com:

17 of 22 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars Great book, if you're a mysogynist., January 25, 2009
By C. Teel (Nashville, TN) - See all my reviews
I find myself applauding the Wheats' heartfelt attempt at creating a book that breaches the subject of sex and sexuality within the conservative, mainline, Christian world. However, their work falls too far short of being informative, balanced, contemporary, and open to deserve any real recognition.

First, their understanding of sexuality is about 25 years past date. They need to update their research. They have nothing in the book about oral sex, mutual masturbation, sex/orgasmic response differences among women, and premature ejaculation.

Second, they objectify women to the point of sheer domination. The chapter entitled, "The Perfect Wife" elaborates on why women ought to just "lay back and enjoy it." Frankly, I found it sick and disgusting. The authors claim to be a coequal team, but I don't see it in the writing, I don't see it in the information, and I definitely don't see it in their description of sex as a mutually beneficial act. Their response, as a said above, is basically one that encourages men to dominate their wife by demanding sex whenever they please. For example, at one point in the "Perfect Wife" chapter they say:

"If you think your husband seems to require a lot more sex than you do, ponder this illustration: If you were in the desert and you were thirsty, you'd think about a glass of water, wouldn't you? But if you're standing by the refrigerator, and there's an opportunity to push the button and get it any time you want to, the need for a drink is not nearly so urgent. Maybe the reason your husband seems never to think of anything besides sex is that he's "in the desert" and "thirsty"
"Sometimes you will be very tired and feeling as sexy as an old sock, but your husband will approach you with desire. Secular therapists say a wife should be able to respond, "Sorry, but I'm just not up to it tonight." My own opinion as a Christian wife is that we can depend on the Lord to give us the strength and ability to be as warm and responsive as our husband desires, no matter how tired we are...
..."Most important, a wise wife will not argue. She will keep her husband peaceful and satisfied and happy by gracefully conceding to his wishes, or deferring to his opinions...A husband usually welcomes the thoughtful opinions of his wife..."(157-159, Third Ed.)

This excerpt pretty much sums up why I HATE this book. It was a gift from a friend before my wife and I got married, and I'm surprised that I haven't burned it in effigy. Women are NOT objects who deserve their own voice, and this book promotes a Christianity that oppresses that voice. So, my conscious would not be clear if I did not give a resoundingly negative review for this book on that merit alone.

If you want my advice, go read "The Joy of Sex." It has all the medical and psychological facts, and presents an understanding of sexuality that is mutual, equal, and loving.

Again, I have to laugh. Christianity has spent its entire history denouncing sex for pleasure. Who thought it was a good idea for Christians to put out their own Scripture-based book on how to enjoy sex biblically? Seriously people, you need to realize that your religion does not condone fun in the bedroom and move on.

I think in some ways I'm jealous. I wish I could be so satisfied with the Christian worldview. Everything is black and white, right or wrong. Just follow the rules, and everything turns out the way it's supposed to. Right? I mean, there are still the Christian families who end up with gay kids, the ones whose families break up because one of them isn't happy or leaves the religion, and the ones who have a crisis of faith when something terrible happens that makes them realize that their Christian god and Jesus aren't going to fix it, but if those things don't happen they can hold fast to their religion and declare themselves right about the world. It's seductive, I admit. I would love to feel like I understood how it all worked and that the entire world could be perfect if everyone simply chose my way. I want the security of it, the community of it and the certainty of it. It's just not for the educated. That's one of the reasons I'm not there. The thinking individual is discouraged and pushed aside, their opinion discarded. "They've overthought God. They're thinking themselves out of salvation." Yes, I've actually heard someone say this. I think it was Kirk Cameron, actually.

Anyway, I'll take my life of questions instead of answers, lecturers instead of preachers and Halloween instead of Christmas and Easter. It's not as safe and secure, but it's a lot more fun!