Sunday, May 16, 2010

Getting Excited

I don't want to jinx it, but I'm pretty excited for this month.  I'm ovulating on the 20th, and so far, everything is going according to plans.  It actually doesn't feel like it's been a year, but we have, indeed, been trying for a year now.  I'm so happy to have finally figured ot what was going on with my body, that I guess I'm almost expecting it to happen this time.

My 31st birthday is coming up, too.  I was really hoping everything could work out so that I could take my pregnancy test on the morning of my birthday, but that will only be 7 days post-ovulation, and therefore highly unlikely to come up positive, even if I was pregnant.  On the other hand, this might be a blessing in disguise.  If I end up not getting pregnant this month, I don't need to start my birthday out with a big, fat negative staring at me.

I read my cards last week.  I asked just a general question about my future baby, and the Reincarnation card came up, in my Druid Tarot deck.  It got me to thinking, this baby could be someone from my past, or my husband's.  Could one of our grandfathers be ready to come back already?  They've only been gone a few years, but they would be welcome in our home.  All of them were wonderful men.  I just wonder how they'll feel about coming back with a uterus?  Haha....

Or, perhaps this little soul is someone who was important to me in a past life, and is coming to reunite with me.  A past sibling, mother, father, friend or lover?  Anything's possible.

It's hard not to get excited about meeting someone who will be so important in your life.  After all, one's children should be some of the most prominent figures in one's life.  I thought about it a lot with my son. I wondered how we would relate.  What tensions would exist in our relationship?  What would we have in common?  He's not even 3, so I don't know the answers to these questions yet.  Funny, but I thought about them more while he was living inside of me than I do now, and I'm closer to knowing the outcome.  I wonder why that is?

Either way, I think I need to plan something fun on the day I test, so that I can't dwell on it if I'm not knocked up this month.  I don't know why this month seems so urgent.  Maybe because I think having an Aquarius would be awesome?  Or maybe because giving birth in late January/early February would give me some cool spring weather to get back in shape before summertime, and only the early part of my pregnancy would be in the hellish heat?  I need to calm down.   It would be just as cool to have a Pisces, and one month later wouldn't make a whole lot of difference, in the scheme of things.  Yeah, that's what I have to tell myself.  :)

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