Tomorrow morning

Okay, it's been about 9 months of trying and I'm hoping that tomorrow will be the day I find out that I'm pregnant.  Timing was perfect this month, with our last attempt to conceive at 2 1/2 days before ovulation, so I'm feeling good about my chances.

When you're trying to get pregnant, it's so easy to try to interpret every twinge and irregularity in your body as a signal of conception.  My stomach has been a little odd the last few days,  I had a little cramping yesterday and I saw a little pink that may have been implantation bleeding 3 days ago.  But all of that might have been nothing, too.

I meditate on conceiving my daughter most of the month, right before bedtime.  I close my eyes, with my hands over my lower belly, and envision my womb as a nursery, being decorated and prepared for her.  When I'm not successful and I'm having my period, I picture each cramp as a "cleaning out" of my uterus, making room for baby.  Then, after I know I've ovulated, I concentrate on inviting my daughter to come and join our family.  I tell her that we're all waiting for her, and that she is wanted more than she'll ever know.

I sleep with a fertility charm under the mattress.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm a little obsessed, but then I think about how much I freaked out about conceiving my son as fast as possible.  Compared to that experience, this one is relaxed and casual.  Sure, there's disappointment when I pee on the stick and it confirms that this month isn't the one, but I don't cry about it.  I don't panic or get depressed.  I just shrug and think about how next month I'll try again, with renewed hope.

Little girl of mine, your brother has been asking about you.  He wants to know where you are.  I've told him that your father and I are trying to bring you here as fast as we can, but in the end, you'll arrive when you're ready.  We're ready for you.  We think about you a lot, and I hope I'll get a message from you that you'll be coming tomorrow.

Maybe a Baby Girl Next?

So, the discussion about baby #2 is in its final stages.  My hubby still wants me to say that I'd definitely be done having kids after the next one, and I'm still saying that there's no way I'll be done if the next one's a boy, and I'm not 100% sure I won't want a third one even if we have a girl next.  But that's neither here nor there.  At least we both agree that we want a second child and that we hope it's a girl.  We both love our son dearly, and I don't think my husband be too disappointed if the next one turns out to be a boy, but I can't imagine not having a daughter.  Most women who have a bunch of boys and no girls seem to fall into one of two categories: the beat down, run-over wife who is a meek and quiet servant of her men, or the overly aggressive woman who demands that her family not take advantage of her.  The former is often referred to as the mouse, and the latter the harridan (think the Malcolm in the Middle" mom.)  I know some people might be offended by this, but I've seen it a lot.  Not all women become these two stereotypes, but enough do that I refuse to put myself in that situation.  Besides, what woman doesn't want a daughter to share all her girly traditions with?  It's only fair that he gets his son to share all of his male things with, and I get my girl to share my female things with.  

So, I bought Dr. Shettles' book on gender selection techniques.  It's a fascinating read.  I know that no method is 100% foolproof, including medical intervention, but anything I can do to tip the scales is worth trying.  Apparently timing is everything.  The X chromosome sperm (to make girls) is heavier, slower and lives longer than the faster Y chromosome sperm.  A friend of mine said the Y's are like fighter jets and the X's are like tanks.  It looks like I need to time everything for at least two days before I ovulate, and use condoms until three days after ovulation until the next cycle.  There are some other things I can do to help the process along, but timing is 95% of the battle, with diet, position and  acidity accounting for the other 5%.  Eating more dairy and drinking orange juice and cutting back on red meat and salt are a few of the diet changes you can make to help conceive a girl.  Shallow penetration favors a girl, since the Y chromosome sperm are more likely to die before making the long swim to the fallopian tubes.  And the worst part of all, the female orgasm favors conceiving a boy because it propels the short-lived Y chromosome sperm closer to the target, so having an orgasm is a no-no.  More than that, I need to avoid orgasm for a couple of weeks prior to conception, because the fluids released during the female orgasm make the vaginal canal a more alkaline environment, which is easier for the delicate Y chromosome sperm to navigate.  The tougher, X chromosome sperm can handle a more acidic environment that the Y's can't handle.  So, it looks like fun time's over until I get pregnant.  Sigh.

Other than that lameness, I'm excited.  My baby's not a baby anymore.  He's an adorable little man with a vocabulary that grows by leaps and bounds everyday.  He's learning to read, beginning to try to dress himself, and is becoming more aware of the full status of his diaper.  My little man is growing up and I'm ready to see what kind of a big brother he'll be.  Through all the sleep deprivation and lack of free time, I love being a mom. No matter how much I complain and vent, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.  And I'm ready to have it again... in pink.