It's official.

I'm pregnant.  Yep, finally pregnant.  Today is the day my period was due, making me 4 weeks along.  It's so exciting!

I took my first pregnancy test at about 7 and a half days post-ovulation, and the line on the test was so faint that I couldn't have possibly assumed that test was conclusive.  I thought it might have been a trick of the light, or that I was seeing something that wasn't really there.  In fact, I had to hold it up to the light and change the angle back and forth before I saw a thin, pinkish shadow.  Either way, I took another test the next morning that was a conclusive, if faint (but darker than the last) positive result.  It was kind of hard knowing that it was way too early to shout my joy to the world.  Since I was in vacation in San Diego with my family, it was really hard not to share with my sisters and mom, especially.

My husband and I have agreed no to tell everyone until I'm 5 weeks along, or one week late for my period.  That way, if it's another chemical pregnancy/spontaneous abortion, I don't have to deal with calling everyone and telling them it was a false alarm, while dealing with my own emotions.

My starting pregnancy weight is 143.  Not too bad!  I'm pretty proud of myself that I was able to drop all my baby weight plus 25 lbs.  I've also gained a much higher level of fitness that I intend to maintain throughout this pregnancy.  I'll do CrossFit as much as I can, at least through the first and second trimesters, and I intend to do prenatal yoga and belly dance the entire time.  I vow that I will end up bouncing back from this pregnancy a HELL of a lot faster than last time.

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Everything above that line was written last week.  I just didn't want to post anything before my official announcement.

Since then, I've seen my midwife, Shell Walker.  She is awesome!  She's pagan and understands my desires for a natural birth with ritual and cleansing as part of the process.  She said I can smudge the room and have as many people (or as few) as I want in the room or in the living room area.

Oh, and the birth center looks amazing.  I'll admit, it's not the gorgeous villa that the previous birth center site was, but that didn't work out and I need to look forward, rather than glancing backwards at what could have been.  Anyhow, the new center is homey and cozy, and I'm sure it will be a very comforting environment while laboring.  I can have my waterbirth, if I want, and there is a major hospital about 2 minutes away if anything scary happens.

I'm ecstatic to be pregnant, but in some ways I'm still in shock and disbelief.  I was actually disappointed that my midwife couldn't feel my uterus at my 5 week appointment.  I mean, I have the positive pregnancy tests, but I guess I'll be in denial until I see an ultrasound or hear a heartbeat.  Now that I think about it, I was in denial with my son, too.  I was almost expecting them to find nothing at that 8 week ultrasound, and to tell me I actually wasn't pregnant after all.  That's probably how this pregnancy will play out too.

I haven't had any nausea or weight gain, but it's still so early that I'm not counting my chickens just yet.  I have had the same implantation/uterine expansion cramping that I did with my first pregnancy, although those just feel like period cramps.  Oh, and no bleeding or spotting, so I guess that's good.  I am completely exhausted though.  The fatigue hit me a lot harder and earlier this time around.  Or maybe it's just that at this point in my pregnancy last time, my new husband and I were galavanting around Ireland for our honeymoon.  That could be it.

I just really want some more confirmation that I'm pregnant.  I'll be going in for bloodwork on Monday morning to get a full metabolic and gynecologic panel, just to make sure everything's copacetic between the pregnancy and my intense workouts.

My emotions are different this time around.  I'm excited, but it doesn't consume my every thought.  I'm not rushing out to buy maternity clothes (like I did the day I found out I was pregnant last time!) and I don't have that weird, overriding fear that the pregnancy would cease to be if I concentrated on anything else.  I know, I know, that was a totally crazy thing to be convinced of.  I cannot explain the strange logic of the pregnant mind.

So the information is out there for the world to see now.  I am pregnant.  Thank goddess, finally pregnant!