Sunday, May 31, 2009
It's that time again. Not time for summer fun, but time for my summer-related depression. It happens every year, and it started when I moved to Arizona. As soon as the temperatures rise in May, I start to get moody, more easily agitated, and depressed. It feels like the sun is keeping me hostage. I am caged in the house, even though I think of myself as an outdoorsy person, and it feels like it will be forever until the weather is acceptable again. The heat is downright oppressive here, ask anyone who has spent a summer day in the "Valley of the Sun." When opening you front door feel like opening an oven, and people can be seen handling their black steering wheels with oven mitts, you know it's bad. Personally, I sometimes sleep with my feet on a cold pack and I put away my thick blanket for the summer in favor of a thin cover that is scarcely more than two bedsheets sown together. Anything else heating my body will cause me to get up in the middle of the night and dowse myself with cold water. In fact, when I first moved here, I used to take an ice-cold shower with my pajamas on in the middle of the night to cool down. That way, the cold water stayed on my skin longer. As it is, I can't go to bed without slathering my arms, legs and feet with lotion to maximize the ceiling fan's cooling effect. Sigh.
This problem really isn't something I can explain to anyone who has ever felt this way. My husband is no exception. As much as I love him, his "suck it up and deal with it" attitude isn't helping and may be making it worse. He thinks it's all in my head and that thinking more positively about my life in general will make these feelings go away. I wish it was that simple. I really do. But the truth remains. I hate living here. I hate that the landscape is brown, not green. I hate that 6 months out of the year are summer (and hot, nasty summer at that!) I hate that the only family I have that lives here can't wait to leave either, and that my family in California rarely visits because of how much it sucks out here. I hate that my house doesn't have a large shade tree in the front or backyard. I hate that I can't grow a lot of the fruits I love out here because the heat will kill them. I hate that there is a real danger of my kids becoming couch potatoes out here because I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to get off the couch in the summer I don't either. I hate that it's too warm to bike or walk, even in the evenings. I hate that I can't open the windows to let in a tiny bit of fresh air because AC is so expensive. And most of all, I hate that no one else wants to be here, either. Anyone with the funds to do so either leaves for the summer or leaves permanently. Who can blame them? I'd do the same if I could. It's nobody's fault, and I wouldn't want anyone to stay here just for me, but it does add to the effect. Summer here sucks because I'm stranded here, and many of my friends are gone. I have a husband with a wonderful job he loves in a good company. We own a house and have a child. I can't go anytime soon. My hubby would have to have at least 5 years of experience in his job to make a move feasible. I'll be three years in July.
I do feel better at having written all my thoughts down. I will make a genuine effort to make the next post a more positive one. Maybe I'll write my next post after taking a cold shower. Just a thought.