What does it mean for there to be a Quiverfull Movement?

Wow! Some of these people are beyond crazy.

I have been doing more and more research into the Fundamentalist Christians who have descended into the Quiverfull movement, and I'm considering buying some of the books they use to better understand their motives and methods.  Debi Pearl and her husband Michael are prolific writers in the movement, and her book Created to be his Help Meet is a popular marriage resource for such Christians.  Anyway, another book they've written is To Train Up a Child.  I read one review of the book and now I'm pretty sure I have to get it and read through it.  I'm a sucker for a train wreck....just can't look away.  Here's the review:

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:  Please do not buy this book., December 31, 2009 By  R. Craig "Mother" (Texas) - See all my reviews     Barnes and Noble no longer sells this book. Here are some details: 1) The Pearls recommend whipping infants only a few months old on their bare skin. They describe whipping their own 4 month old daughter (p.9). They recommend whipping the bare skin of "every child" (p.2) for "Christians and non-Christians" (p.5) and for "every transgression" (p.1). Parents who don't whip their babies into complete submission are portrayed as indifferent, lazy, careless and neglectful (p.19) and are "creating a Nazi" (p.45). 2) On p.60 they recommend whipping babies who cannot sleep and are crying, and to never allow them "to get up." On p.61 they recommend whipping a 12 month old girl for crying. On p.79 they recommend whipping a 7 month old for screaming. 3) On p.65 co-author Debi Pearl whips the bare leg of a 15 month old she is babysitting, 10 separate times, for not playing with something she tells him to play with. On p.56 Debi Pearl hits a 2 year old so hard "a karate chop like wheeze came from somewhere deep inside." 4) On p.44 they say not to let the child's crying while being hit to "cause you to lighten up on the intensity or duration of the spanking." On p.59 they recommend whipping a 3 year old until he is "totally broken." 5) On p.55 the Pearls say a mother should hit her child if he cries for her. 6) On p.46 the Pearls say that if a child does obey before being whipped, whip them anyway. And "if you have to sit on him to spank him, then do not hesitate. And hold him there until he is surrendered. Prove that you are bigger, tougher." "Defeat him totally." On p.80 they recommend giving a child having a tantrum "a swift *forceful* spanking." On the same page they say to whip small children on their bare skin until they stop screaming. "Don't be bullied. Give him more of the same." They say to continue whipping until their crying turns into a "wounded, submissive whimper." 7) On p.47 they recommend their various whips, including "a belt or larger tree branch" to hit children. 8) The Pearls recommend pulling a nursing infant's hair (p.7), and describe tripping their non-swimming toddler so she falls into deep water (p.67). They recommend ignoring an infant's bumped head when he falls to the floor, and ignoring skinned knees (p.86). They also say "if your child is roughed-up by peers, rejoice." (p.81) And on p.103 the Pearls say if children lose their shoes, "let them go without until they (the children) can make the money to buy more." 9) The Pearls claim their "training" methods are Godly, yet they have *no religious training or credentials* They never mention Jesus' injunctions to forgive "seventy times seven" and be merciful, and they decry the "extraordinary ingnorance of modern psychology." The Pearls' methods have resulted in parents being investigated by Child Protective Services, children being taken away from parents, a restraining order against a father, and even a babysitter going to jail on felony charges!

19...isn't enough?

Really?  The Duggars are still leaving the size of their family "up to God," according to their interview in People magazine.  What possible justification could they have for this after 19 children, 2 cases of preeclampsia, 4 cesarean sections, a micropreemie whose future is still uncertain, and gallstones?  Oh, that they put their faith in God, of course!

In my previous post, I mentioned (okay, raved about) No Longer Qivering, a blog about the Quiverfull movement and patriarchy.  After reading so much insider information about the lifestyle and the destruction it causes, I can no longer just shrug and smile sadly about Michelle and Jim Bob's decisions regarding birth control.  It's not cute, or sweet or even adorably naive.  It's sad.  It's crazy.  It just goes to show how brainwashed they are by their extreme religion and the recommendations of some of the authors and pastors within it.

I once just figured that they were truly a "what you see is what you get" kind of family, but that was just wishful thinking on my part.  I love babies and for much of my life, all I could think about was having babies and becoming a mother.  I never imagined that my first baby would be born when I was 28.  My goddess, my own mother had 5 children by that age!  I'm 30 now, trying for #2, when my mom had #6 and was done adding to her family.  So I compulsively watched shows like A Baby Story, Maternity Ward, House of Babies, and later Kids by the Dozen and the Duggar family specials.  I was obsessed with the latter two.  Even though my conscious self never wanted more than 4 children, I watched these shows in envy.  I had wanted to have my first baby by 25, and some of these people had 4 by then.  They ran their homes like clockwork, had as many babies as they wanted, and seemed to have the family closeness that I had as a child and want for my own family.  It was more than addictive.  It was seductive.  The religion I rejected as a small child contained the possibility of so much that I wanted...and yet it was never enough for more than just a daydream.

I've said before that I would love the certainty of Christianity.  Knowing that the world is so black and white must be so reassuring.  And though I was raised Catholic (and not even strictly Catholic) rather than in a more conservative sect of Christianity, I knew even at 8 years old that the Christian religion demanded too much.  I saw it, even then, as unfair and too restrictive.  As soon as I found out what sex was I knew I wasn't waiting for marriage.  I had no intention of ever going to church again the moment I was no longer being forced to.  I thought the mythology was boring and that many of the lessons were ridiculous.  I hated the authoritative nature of it, and I scoffed at the idea of someone making a sacrifice for such ideology.  I thought you would have to be stupid to give up family life for service as a priest or a nun, and that only those who were gluttons for punishment would bother to "save themselves for marriage" or fast for Lent.  Why bother?  There was so much freedom to be had outside of religion, so much unrestricted fun to be had guilt-free.  So I willfully left, dragging my family with me, by the age of 15.  Mom just couldn't take the fighting about it anymore, since dad would ground me for a week for misbehaving in church.  I was supposed to "prove myself" the next Sunday by being a proper young lady during services.  Instead I was perpetually grounded.  Dad, being a big kid himself, hated grounding me that much, and mom started to feel like it wasn't worth the effort to drag all 6 kids (my minions who I'd turned against church, as well) through a boring hour of church where we all did our best to amuse ourselves to our parents' embarrassment.  It was dumb.  Mom was a real martyr for carrying it on as long as she did.

So why did I even think for two seconds that an even stricter version of this religion had any appeal?  That's crazy!  Well, it helped that I wasn't living it, so all I saw was the pretty package presented on TV of a large, close, happy family.  I had a boyfriend (now my husband) who wanted only two children and wouldn't let me start our family until we were done with college (which was taking forever) and married.  Through all of the ridiculousness, all I saw was a woman who was allowed to have as many children as she wanted, when she wanted them.  Ultimately, I think that's where my obsession stemmed from.

I have to wonder if, after I have my second child, would I even want any more children if my husband gave in and let me have as many babies as I want?  I don't know.  I'll probably never know, since he's pretty staunch about only wanting two.  I wish I could know in my heart if I'm just fighting him and clinging to my dream of having (what I think of as a) medium-sized family, or if I really truly won't feel complete until I have birthed a fourth child.

Either way, I'm happy that I'll never know the back-to-back pregnancies, multiple cesarean sections, complete exhaustion of keeping up with so many children, and submission to patriarchy that these women in the Quiverfull movement are subjected to.  The multitude of miscarriages that they often face toward the end of their childbearing years is heartbreaking, and the lack of support and empathy is horrific.

No, I can't be angry at the Duggars for their conviction of faith.  They are sheep.  They have been conditioned to blindly follow, without thought, where their religion leads.  Sheep are dumb creatures.  They'll walk off a cliff if that's where they're led.  And it's now clear to me that one doesn't just decide to become a sheep.  It's a slow process of taking away independent thought and chipping away at self-identity.  I can't be angry at them when they're doing only what they've been told is right and good.

Nope, it's the fundamentalist Christian religious movements that are so destructive.  It makes promises it can't deliver, sets impossible goals and ideals, demands more than one can give, and still makes good people determined to stick with it to their deaths.  Sad.

My new addiction

Anyone who really knows me understands my fascination (cough...obsession!) with the Duggar family and the Quiverfull movement that is the underlying cause for their supersized family.  Well, I finally found something better than 18 Kids and Counting which satisfies my need to know more about the movement and the ultra-religiousity that motivates people like the Duggars to seemingly withdraw from society and normalcy to pursue a creepy "closeness with God."

The blog is called No Longer Qivering.  It's misspelled on purpose because there is no "you" in the Quiverfull Movement...at least not for the women who belong to it.  It's the blog of a woman and a few other contributors who left the movement.  It's their stories about how they fell into such an extreme lifestyle and religion, the horrors of living such a life (depression, overwhelming expectations, constant pregnancies and pressure,) the first clues that lead them to realize that this life was killing them, and then their final escape back to "the real world."

I just can't get enough of it.  I check it multiple times a day for updates and new stories.  There is so much about that life that I never thought about, so many compelling little elements and horrifying details that are (of course) not part of the Duggar family's public face.  It makes me really wonder what's going on once the cameras are turned off.

Patriarchy was the biggest surprise to me.  I mean, I understood that women were second class citizens in most of Christianity, and certainly within the Quiverfull movement, but I never understood that QF and patrirchy pretty much went hand in hand, one seldom existing without the other.  It amazes me that in this day and age there are women in the US who blatantly reject feminism and women's rights.  They think that it's wrong for a man to ever be in a subordinate position under a woman.  Therefore, women should avoid any profession outside the home, should always be submissive to men, and should especially never challenge the authority of their fathers or husbands.  Just like in the old days, a girl is the property of her father until she is married, and then she passes to the authority of her husband.  Sometimes, a courtship is arranged between parents who want to join their families, and as long as the boy is agreeable to the match, the two are married.  There is the slightest veneer of choice on the girl's part in all this, but by the time in her life that courtship comes around, she is so conditioned to submit to her father that she'll likely agree to the match her father is so clearly approving of, even if she doesn't care for or she's not particularly attracted to the boy.  Sad, huh?

There's so much more!  I could literally read this site for ours every day and not get through all there is in a week.  I just can't pimp this blog enough.  Oh! And Vyckie, the main contributor, is writing a book all about her life and her story.  So, for the time being you can read much of Vyckie's Story on her blog for free.  But once her book deal goes through, she's going to take it all down.  Take my advice: visit this site!