7 weeks~ Sleeping for Two

I refuse to buy into the "eating for two mentality."  I think that's an easy way to balloon in early pregnancy, and an excuse that a lot of women, who have been watching their weight their entire lives, use to eat whatever they want in massive quantities.  I understand feeling more hungry, and I also understand that food (that you're craving, not having an aversion to) tastes so much better while pregnant.  It's also important to realize that the embryo only needs about 300 calories a day.  Today, my baby is about the size of a blueberry.  So yes, my baby may need some more salad, or a quarter of a sandwich.  My baby does not need a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food (though you wouldn't know that from the cravings I'm having!)

No, I'm eating for one.  I'm eating for one extremely picky little being who has taken over my body and is controlling it through nausea, food aversions, cravings and fatigue.  This little being demanded a ham sandwich today.  Yes, a ham sandwich, of all things.  I specifically wanted the ham stack sandwich that I ate all the time while I worked at Marie Callendar's.  So I called them to place an order for pick up, and of course, they discontinued this fabulous sandwich just a few months ago.  Sigh.  So I settled on Cheba Hut, which is nearby, and very tasty.  Now, I understand that Cheba Hut proudly employs stoners.  The 420's and pot leaves painted all over the interior (as well as the names of the sandwiches, like Chronic, Panama Red and Griefo) should tip off anyone who was not in the know before walking through the doors.  So knowing that the employees were, in all likelihood, working here because they could come to work high did not bother me at all.  What pissed me off was how slowly they moved making my sandwich.  I was salivating and staring at my sandwich on the assembly line like a starving lunatic.  By the time it was done toasting and they asked me what I wanted on it, everyone behind the counter was giving me funny looks.  The girl shoved the sandwich at me to get me out of there as fast as possible.  But oh, it was heavenly!  The salty delicacy, ham with bacon on white with extra mayo and a pickle, was so good that I ate it in the tiniest bites possible, savoring it.  After 10 minutes I'd only eaten half of my 8 inch sandwich, but I was full and the craving was satisfied.  I know, my sandwich probably sounds gross to you, and I think it might've sounded icky to me a month or so ago, but that's how a craving works.  It's a desperate need, like an addiction.  I think the key to satisfying cravings without getting huge is to eat them slowly, in small portions.  Oh, and satisfy healthy cravings with wild abandon.  Want fruit and salad?  Eat them to your heart's content and don't worry about the portions.  Craving Ben & Jerry's?  Try a quarter cup and then see how you feel.  I managed to make a pint of Phish Food last a week.

So no, not eating for two.  But I am most definitely sleeping and resting for two.  I just can't get enough time in bed and on the couch.  It's getting bad.  The laundry, dishes, and errands are piling up and I feel like I'm getting ill from the lack of energy.  I know that keeping up on my workouts is making this particular symptom worse, but I know that laying around and sleeping all the time, even if that was an option, is only going to make this worse.  So I'm trying to grit my teeth and get through it, and just make it to bed as early as possible every night.  Except for Wednesday and Thursdays.  So You Think You Can Dance is on, and exhaustion be damned, I'm going to watch!

I wanted to post a belly shot for this week, but there's really no point since there's been no change yet.  In fact, I've lost half a pound so far in this pregnancy.  My bloodwork came back from my midwife, and she says that I'm one of the healthiest clients, according to my labs, that she's ever seen.  Yay me!  I'm glad to know that all this effort and working on my nutrition hasn't been for nothing.  We'll see how those numbers change with all these unhealthy cravings, but hopefully they'll stay good.

In fact, the only number she said was a little off was the salt in my blood.  That was low, which is good. But it really got me to thinking about something my father in law said to me.  He honestly thinks that I have some disorder that prevents me from properly absorbing salt like a normal person.  I'm the butt of my husband's family's jokes for the way I dump salt on everything set before me, and I was even given my own personal salt shaker last Christmas at dinner, so that there would be a shaker for everyone else to pass around.  My father-in-law has observed my eating habits for almost 10 years now, and he's an MD. After these bloodwork results, I'm pretty inclined to believe him.  I also know that I tend to get light-headed if I cut the salt in my diet even to levels considered high for normal people.  So maybe I'll have to investigate this.  I think it's hereditary, if there is something, because all the women in my mom's lineage have low blood pressure (like me) and eat tons of salt.

Man, I wrote a novel this week!  Anyway, here's a picture of what my baby should look like by now.  It's looking more like a baby than a seahorse, finally!

My progress so far

It's been a while since I've really updated my status in my journey for fitness and weight loss, and, since I've been feeling good about it today, I figured now was as good a time as any.  I'm 22 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, and I fit into a size 12 pair of jeans.  My size 16's used to be tight.  I lost nearly all of the "back fat" that really bothered me, and my face has really thinned out.  Yay, me!

My husband has been behind a lot of my motivation.  He's 65 lbs less than what he used to weigh, and about 75 lbs less than his peak weight.  He started with Crossfit and pulled me in.  I have to admit, my attitude has never been the same since I began attending Crossfit classes.

Crossfit is a style of exercise that combines a lot of gymnastics training and Olympic style weight lifting with basic calisthenics.  All the movements are functional, and designed to build a physique that is strong with lots of endurance.  I think the best way to describe it is that it's like a boot camp style workout without any of the abuse.  Encouragement and smiling faces are all that you get at Crossfit.  The trainers at my gym are wonderful.  No matter what the exercise is, or how impossible it looks, their attitudes are always that I'll work up to it and conquer it, not that the harder movements are beyond my capabilities.  I've never felt that way before.  I've also never thought I'd be close to a handstand or that I'd ever even consider running a 5K.

My attitude has certainly changed.  I still really want to lose the weight, but my focus has shifted somewhat.  I'm more interested in running farther and faster, doing more pull-ups, push-ups and sit-ups, and building the endurance to hike, swim or bike all day.  I want to be able to walk on my hands and do a cartwheel one day.  I feel strong after my workouts now, not just tired.  I feel tough and capable of handling anything, much like I used to feel in JROTC.  That's the part of physical training in high school ROTC that I miss the most.  I remember crawling under barbed wire on my belly in the dirt, a fake M-16 in my hands as I crossed a field with simulated gunfire overhead.  It was painful and awful as I went through it, but as I stood up, dirt in my mouth and nose, muscles sore and cramping and eyes watering, I felt like I could have conquered the world.  I felt so alive and so capable at that moment.  I know now that there were a lot of things wrong with what I did, looking back.  The desensitization to violence and war left me with issues that took a few years out of high school to heal.  But the feeling I got from those exercises really gave me confidence in myself and my body.  I missed that, and, up until recently, had no idea that I could get that feeling back without all the bad stuff. Crossfit to the rescue!

Crossfit has really changed the way I work out, and my attitude toward working out.  I used to think I wouldn't be motivated to exercise if I wasn't going to be doing something fun like hiking, bellydancing or climbing.  I also used to think that I couldn't get any meaningful exercise in without putting in an hour or more three or four days a week.  Now I do exhausting workouts 5 or six days a week that are almost all less than half an hour including warm-up and cool down.  I still fit some yoga and bellydance into my week, and hiking will always be my first love, but I see me regular workout as tools to help me do whatever I want with my body when it's time for fun.  I used to think the idea of me skiing or snowboarding was laughable.  Now I can't wait to try them.  I have a confidence in my body that I haven't known in a long time.

I still eat what I want in smaller portions, but at least 3 dinners a week are lean meats and veggies or salad.  I still refuse to eat fake sweeteners or fats, and I have cut the sugar in my diet down to just the necessities.  I love dessert, and I need a drop or two of agave nectar in my coffee, but spaghetti sauce needs no sugar, and I can't believe that I ever ate things like baked beans, chocolate chip pancakes, or catsup.  Only dessert needs sugar, damnit!  I also can't eat pre-packaged foods the way I used to.  Years of "detoxing" from all the crap and preservatives in the stuff you can buy at convenience stores has changed my taste buds.  I used to LOVE Ho-ho's.  Not the crappy Little Debbie knock-offs, but the real Hostess Ho-ho's.  I could eat two packages of those for lunch in high school.  I thought they were divine.  So, I decided to be nostalgic and eat one on a recent road trip back to San Diego.  Ugh!  I couldn't get through the first bite.  It didn't taste like the creamy, chocolatey cake roll I remembered.  It tasted like chemicals and plastic.  I felt wasteful, but I threw the whole thing out.

I eat more fruits, veggies and eggs than I ever used to.  I have a dessert everyday, but I have a small one that I savor and really enjoy.  Yoga still makes me crave whole, nutritious food like nothing else I've ever done before.  When I'm done with half an hour of yoga, I can't imagine eating pizza or cookies.  I just crave yogurt (plain, of course) and hummus and fruit.  There's something about quietly listening to my body that makes me feel that way.

I'm at a plateau now, stuck at about 146 lbs, but I'm okay with it.  I'll just stick to working out and feeling good, and I'm sure a few pounds will start to drop off eventually.  Pregnancy is the only thing that worries me now, but I think I have the tools to keep me fit through my pregnancy and ready to go after the baby's born.  Now I just need to work on getting pregnant...

Book review: EnLIGHTened by Jessica Berger Gross

I was sidetracked from my regular reading (a book called Hyperion which my wonderful husband passed to me) and have been reading EnLIGHTened: How I Lost 40 Pounds with a Yoga Mat, Fresh Pineapples and a Beagle-Pointer by Jessica Berger Gross.  I have to admit, it's a fun and easy read.  The author has a good sense of humor, an engaging story (one that's familiar to all of us in the weight struggle) and some great tips on weight loss and exercise.  She's motivational, truthful and very real.  Having said all that, I think I'd have to give this book only 3 stars out of 5.

I love how she explains that we need to be truthful with ourselves.  We do know when we've eaten something bad for ourselves, eaten too much, or when we've been lazy and neglecting our bodies.  We know we should park the car further from the store, and make time for yoga or some other form of exercise in addition to walking most days of the week.  We should admit these things to ourselves so we can lift the veil of denial when it comes time to step on the scale.  However, I am NOT going to admit to my husband (or some other "buddy") when I have done these things.  Maybe her self esteem is higher than mine, and she can take the criticism.  In fact, that's likely the case.  But that doesn't change the fact that telling someone else how you screwed up every time you forget to tow the healthy line is demeaning and demoralizing.  I think a better suggestion would be to keep a journal and admit these things on paper.  That way, you're still being truthful with yourself, but you're not involving a third (possibly judgmental) person.

This woman is a bit diet crazy.  And when I say a bit, I mean a LOT.  She thinks whole wheat cheese pizza or (not and) hot chocolate made with skim milk is something to be saved for the rare treat.  She mentioned that homemade whole wheat pancakes with real maple syrup should be in the same category, and thinks that white bread should always be avoided.  Yikes!  I'm sorry, life without chocolate chip cookies, fresh artisan breads and chocolate ice cream with peanut butter is not worth living.  I'm not saying I should have these things every day, but relegating them to the "never" category just isn't happening.  I try to incorporate more whole grains in my diet, but I don't think I'll ever make a complete conversion.  I like her recipes with lentils and beans, but the idea of making this kind of food my every meal makes me a little ill.  I agree that we should try to have as many vegetarian meals as possible, and I love that she suggests buying organic, free-range and grass-fed meats as a green and responsible alternative to vegetarianism.  

Her advice on limiting portions was, in my opinion, the most helpful.  She says, "After your meal, your stomach should be 1/2 full with food, 1/4 full with water and 1/4 empty with room for air."  I love it.  In our country, the portion sizes are out of control and we should strive to be satisfied on the smallest servings possible.  With this little technique, you can eat much larger variety of foods than what the author portrays.

I loved her advice on exercise.  Stoking the inner fire, even when we're exhausted, is a great metaphor.  Many of us in yoga, and most of us who are truly in touch with our bodies, can relate to the idea of pushing ourselves on the days when we don't feel so much like exercising to give ourselves more energy.  We should all try to get in a little walking and some other physical activity every day, and push ourselves a little harder when we need to drop baby weight or a few excess pounds to kick-start weight loss.  

My favorite part of the book, though was her chapter on inner reflection.  Why are we over-eating?  What does your comfort food represent?  What feeling are you stuffing down an covering with food?  These are important questions overweight people seldom ask themselves.  Understanding that permanent weight-loss isn't possible without dealing with internal issues is something few people understand.  Kudos to Jessica Berger Gross for talking about her struggle so candidly.

All in all, I think she goes overboard with her diet, and she crosses the line from realistic to idealistic.  I would recommend the book to others, but only with the caveat that her dieting advice is too extreme, and that there are lots of other books with better, more sensible eating tips.  I love The Fat Fallacy, and others like it, which put forth the "un-dieting" and "slow food" methods of eating.  Eating whatever you want, but savoring it slowly, chewing more meaningfully and tasting every bite makes you really consider which foods you truly love and which ones aren't so great.  This method brings about a more healthful diet and smaller portions without restricting one's diet to rabbit food.