My progress so far

It's been a while since I've really updated my status in my journey for fitness and weight loss, and, since I've been feeling good about it today, I figured now was as good a time as any.  I'm 22 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight, and I fit into a size 12 pair of jeans.  My size 16's used to be tight.  I lost nearly all of the "back fat" that really bothered me, and my face has really thinned out.  Yay, me!

My husband has been behind a lot of my motivation.  He's 65 lbs less than what he used to weigh, and about 75 lbs less than his peak weight.  He started with Crossfit and pulled me in.  I have to admit, my attitude has never been the same since I began attending Crossfit classes.

Crossfit is a style of exercise that combines a lot of gymnastics training and Olympic style weight lifting with basic calisthenics.  All the movements are functional, and designed to build a physique that is strong with lots of endurance.  I think the best way to describe it is that it's like a boot camp style workout without any of the abuse.  Encouragement and smiling faces are all that you get at Crossfit.  The trainers at my gym are wonderful.  No matter what the exercise is, or how impossible it looks, their attitudes are always that I'll work up to it and conquer it, not that the harder movements are beyond my capabilities.  I've never felt that way before.  I've also never thought I'd be close to a handstand or that I'd ever even consider running a 5K.

My attitude has certainly changed.  I still really want to lose the weight, but my focus has shifted somewhat.  I'm more interested in running farther and faster, doing more pull-ups, push-ups and sit-ups, and building the endurance to hike, swim or bike all day.  I want to be able to walk on my hands and do a cartwheel one day.  I feel strong after my workouts now, not just tired.  I feel tough and capable of handling anything, much like I used to feel in JROTC.  That's the part of physical training in high school ROTC that I miss the most.  I remember crawling under barbed wire on my belly in the dirt, a fake M-16 in my hands as I crossed a field with simulated gunfire overhead.  It was painful and awful as I went through it, but as I stood up, dirt in my mouth and nose, muscles sore and cramping and eyes watering, I felt like I could have conquered the world.  I felt so alive and so capable at that moment.  I know now that there were a lot of things wrong with what I did, looking back.  The desensitization to violence and war left me with issues that took a few years out of high school to heal.  But the feeling I got from those exercises really gave me confidence in myself and my body.  I missed that, and, up until recently, had no idea that I could get that feeling back without all the bad stuff. Crossfit to the rescue!

Crossfit has really changed the way I work out, and my attitude toward working out.  I used to think I wouldn't be motivated to exercise if I wasn't going to be doing something fun like hiking, bellydancing or climbing.  I also used to think that I couldn't get any meaningful exercise in without putting in an hour or more three or four days a week.  Now I do exhausting workouts 5 or six days a week that are almost all less than half an hour including warm-up and cool down.  I still fit some yoga and bellydance into my week, and hiking will always be my first love, but I see me regular workout as tools to help me do whatever I want with my body when it's time for fun.  I used to think the idea of me skiing or snowboarding was laughable.  Now I can't wait to try them.  I have a confidence in my body that I haven't known in a long time.

I still eat what I want in smaller portions, but at least 3 dinners a week are lean meats and veggies or salad.  I still refuse to eat fake sweeteners or fats, and I have cut the sugar in my diet down to just the necessities.  I love dessert, and I need a drop or two of agave nectar in my coffee, but spaghetti sauce needs no sugar, and I can't believe that I ever ate things like baked beans, chocolate chip pancakes, or catsup.  Only dessert needs sugar, damnit!  I also can't eat pre-packaged foods the way I used to.  Years of "detoxing" from all the crap and preservatives in the stuff you can buy at convenience stores has changed my taste buds.  I used to LOVE Ho-ho's.  Not the crappy Little Debbie knock-offs, but the real Hostess Ho-ho's.  I could eat two packages of those for lunch in high school.  I thought they were divine.  So, I decided to be nostalgic and eat one on a recent road trip back to San Diego.  Ugh!  I couldn't get through the first bite.  It didn't taste like the creamy, chocolatey cake roll I remembered.  It tasted like chemicals and plastic.  I felt wasteful, but I threw the whole thing out.

I eat more fruits, veggies and eggs than I ever used to.  I have a dessert everyday, but I have a small one that I savor and really enjoy.  Yoga still makes me crave whole, nutritious food like nothing else I've ever done before.  When I'm done with half an hour of yoga, I can't imagine eating pizza or cookies.  I just crave yogurt (plain, of course) and hummus and fruit.  There's something about quietly listening to my body that makes me feel that way.

I'm at a plateau now, stuck at about 146 lbs, but I'm okay with it.  I'll just stick to working out and feeling good, and I'm sure a few pounds will start to drop off eventually.  Pregnancy is the only thing that worries me now, but I think I have the tools to keep me fit through my pregnancy and ready to go after the baby's born.  Now I just need to work on getting pregnant...

I lost 7 lbs....Suck it, Weight Watchers!

Yes, I have lost 7 pounds in two weeks. Pretty good for someone not dieting and not really going out of her way to exercise, huh? Yeah, I'm pleased with myself. My pants fit better straight out of the dryer, and I feel a little better already. I'm especially happy because this is almost the amount of weight I lost starving myself on Weight Watchers. I lost a little more 8 pounds instead of 7, but I'm so much happier doing this than I ever was on Weight Watchers. I don't really feel that WW was a sustainable solution, in the end. I thought about food constantly, planning meals almost a week in advance. It wasn't fun to eat, and there was never any spontaneity when I went out to eat. Now I can make whatever I want, as long as I stop eating when I'm full and eat consciously. Yay! This rocks!

I'd still like to lose a few more pounds before I start gaining baby weight for the next pregnancy, but I'd still be happy if I got pregnant tomorrow because I'm at least starting a few pounds under my original weight.

I have to admit, my husband's become a huge motivator for me. He's exercising 5 days a week and has lost about 25 pounds so far. He has more energy, and is looking slimmer than I've ever seen him. I jokingly told him yesterday that I'm going into training as soon as I have the next baby so that we can hike the Grand Canyon as a family. Okay, I really don't want that to be a joke. I'd love to do the mule trail ride back up, and just hike down, and it might be possible if we get in shape. See, you have to be under 200 pounds including gear to take the mule tour, and my husband has just dipped under 200 pounds. He still has a ways to go, but I never really considered it an option before. Now it's conceivable. I better teach my baby how to ride a mule!

My husband thinks I'm crazy

Yep, he thinks I'm insane to try to get pregnant while trying to lose weight. I would agree with him if I was trying some fad diet or something unhealthy, but my weight loss techniques are really common sense and healthy. More fruits and veggies, take a prenatal vitamin and get some kind of exercise in every day (i.e. yoga, a 30 minute walk, gardening,) drink lots of water, and eat only when I'm hungry. Actually, there's more to it than just eating when I'm hungry. I'm following a hybrid of Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin techniques, advice from The Fat Fallacy by Will Clower and some non-diet weight loss tips from the internet. Here are the Four Golden Rules from I Can Make You Thin:

1. Eat only when you're hungry

2. Eat only what you really want

3. Stop eating when you're full

4. Eat slowly, putting the fork down between bites and really taste what you're eating

In addition to that, I've adopted The Fat Fallacy Diet which is all about eating whole foods and cutting out preservatives. So, if I read the ingredients on a food and there's something I can't pronounce, I won't eat it. Mostly, because of my corn-free diet, I make my own food anyway, so this isn't a big deal. I also eat organically as often as possible. I certainly buy everything organic from the "Dirty Dozen" list. This includes:

1. Peaches

2. Apples

3. Bell Peppers

4. Celery

5. Nectarines

6. Strawberries

7. Cherries

8. Kale

9. Lettuce

10. Grapes

11. Carrots

12. Pears

Really, anything with a thin, edible skin should be organic, since the pesticides can't really be washed off or peeled away on these types of fruits and veggies. Anything produce with a thick skin that I throw away is typically safe (i.e. avocados, bananas, mangoes, citrus fruit) although I still try to buy as many organic items as I can to support organic farming. I also buy only rBST free dairy products and cage free eggs and try to buy organic when they go on sale.

I've done this type of weight loss before, and I was successful as long as I kept it up, but I fell off the wagon. Why? Because school and a wedding and having a baby constantly put you in situations where you are shoving your dinner down so you can get on with whatever needs to be done next. I ate in the car, in front of the TV, and yes, even over the sink because I was in a hurry to finish. I thought of it as multi-tasking, but really it was just lazy. I didn't want to take the time to sit at the table and eat slowly, tasting every bite so that I knew exactly when I was full. So I overate, I tended to wait until I was starving before I served myself, and I actually started backsliding into eating foods laden with preservatives. It's also hard to guage how much you'll need to eat when you first start breastfeeding. I've never been so ravenous in my life (including during my pregnancy) as I was when my son was born. I ate like a fiend all week, and it tapered off a little as my son grew, but not nearly as much as it should have. In addition, I think a crying, anxious, or upset child makes me eat faster than I ever have before. I just want him to be calm, so I bolt my food down to tend to him. It's an awful cycle, because I'm not paying attention to (and therefore enjoying) my food as I'm feeding and fussing over him. He's done long before I stop eating, and I eat feeling angry/frustrated/anxious.

Knowing what I know now, I've decided to eat either before or after my son when he's being like this. I can eat while he plays or sleeps, for the most part. And when I can't, it's time to put him in the high chair with his food and learn to tune him out while I concentrate on eating at a more leisurely pace. I think it will be good for him, as well as my next child, to grow up in a house where everyone eats at the table and actually tastes their food over the course of 20 minutes or more. It's a healthy way to be. Come to think of it, that's how I grew up. I started gaining weight right around the time when this practice stopped being a regular thing. I also had half my spine fused, due to scoliosis, at that time, so it was probably a double weight whammy that caused me to balloon. Sigh...I have a lot of years of habit to break.

There is one thing I no longer miss: preservative laden foods. I thought I would truly miss Ho-hos, which were my ultimate favorite treat through middle and high school. So I had one about a year ago. Wow. It was bad. It tasted like plastic and chemicals, so I threw the whole package out after one bite. It's amazing how your taste buds can change after eating really good food and stopping to taste what you're putting in your mouth. I've had similar experiences with other foods that I thought I missed, but the Ho-hos were by far the most striking. Ew.

So, back to the whole"losing weight while trying to get pregnant" deal.... I see nothing wrong with it. I'm just trying to get healthy, really. Besides, if it takes me 7 or 8 months to get pregnant (not an unrealistic estimate) I have 7 or 8 months of getting in shape that I could be missing out on. Also, I love that I lost 10 lbs before getting pregnant with my so. Since I only gained 27 lbs total, I figured I really jut put on about 17 additional pounds. I only had 17 pounds to lose to get back to my weight from a couple of months before the wedding. It was a nice feeling, and I'd liek to do that again with this pregnancy.

When I do spellwork for this pregnancy, I'll have to be careful though. I'll only do spells under the waxing moon asking to bring in health and new life. I do want to be healthier, after all.